In the forgetting...this.
I forget the wonderful places I've been.
I forget the thoughtful gifts I've been given.
I forget that my needs have been met.
And I forget the loved ones who support me.
I forget to be thankful.
I forget to love.
I forget to enjoy.
I forget to laugh.
I forget to sing - and to dance.
I forget to live.
I forget to pray so I forget to ask God.
I forget to read God's Word that promises reassurance.
I forget to worship Him.
I forget that He is always working.
I forget to see God - not only in the one of things but also IN. THE. EVERYTHING.
I forget that HE. DOES. SEE. EVERYTHING.
I forget that HE. PROMISED. TO. BE. WITH. ME.
So then, in the forgetting...it gets dark.
I don't sleep.
I don't cry.
I can't think.
I feel lonely.
And I'm depressed.
I get sad and sometimes bitter.
I get angry about small stuff.
I get angry - at those I love.
I have horrible thoughts - foolish thoughts.
And I get. SO. TIRED.
My soul shrinks.
My faith weakens.
My soul is so dry.
I feel so cold.
I'm giving up.
But I can't give up...in the forgetting.
In the pit of my stomach I know...I don’t want to.
I can't give up.
So I try.
I try to see.
I try to hear.
I try to read - anything that will lift.
I try to sing.
I try to talk - to open my heart.
I try to pray - but it's hard.
It feels foreign.
I feel unworthy.
I try to remember. God? Are you there?
I pray again and it all tumbles out…
I cry hard.
And He reminds me...in the forgetting.
He reminds me that HE. IS.WITH. ME.
He never left.
He reminds me that HE. SEES. EVERYTHING.
He watched me stumble through the darkness.
He reminds me that no matter how dark it gets - HE. IS. GOOD.
He never stopped working in me or for me.
He reminds me that compared to my problems - HE. IS. BIGGER.
He never cowered at the sight of my worries and fears.
And He didn't turn His back at my forgetting.
He reminds me...look closer...be still...KNOW. THAT. HE. IS. GOD.
He never stopped being who He is.
He never stopped being my Savior.
And so now, in the remembering...this.
I read and I seek.
I pray and I ask.
I find answers.
And I have peace.
I give thanks.
And I have joy.
I keep trying.
And I trust.
I trust again, in the remembering...and I. SEE. GOD.
And I know, in the forgetting...He loves me. AND. HE. WAITS.
UNTIL. THIS. In the forgetting...I remember once again.
Written by Lanette Boggess, November 11, 2014 ©
I wrote this right after posting my last blog "What Am I Forgetting?" and so it is closely connected to those thoughts. Though I am not an experienced writer, writing is something I enjoy from time to time and has often been therapeutic for me both in the relative sense as well as the creative. For me writing comes out through personal reflection as I journal, preparing a blog or speaking assignment, or through what I would call a prose-poem (as it does not always follow the proper rules of poetry). I desire to do more of all types of writing as God sees fit to enable me when I choose to sit and listen and I'm always grateful for the experience when He gives me the words.
I prayerfully hope this prose today, the previous blog post, as well as any others future or past, lift your spirits and offer encouragement that turns your eyes and thoughts back toward God.
With my deepest sincerity and love...
A whole new light have you cast toward me. God has given you a unique gift. I am sad that it has taken me this long to find out. Forgive me. I am glad and excited that you have shared. TaznutReplyDelete
Powerful! Beautiful! Inspiring! And now I'm crying. Love you!ReplyDelete